As a pre-teen, I was fairly certain I was destined to go to Hogwarts, but my letter must have got lost in the post. Since I never got to visit Diagon Alley, I had to buy my magic wand from Lovehoney, an online shop with more wands than Olivanders.
Wands are one of the most talked about sex toys. With power far beyond that seen in most vibrators, they are ideal for people who need lots of stimulation. I don’t fall into that bracket but, as I had heard nothing but positive things about the Lovehoney Deluxe Magic Wand, I decided to buy one when it was reduced on Black Friday. My experience with the wand has taught me to make sex toy decisions based on my body rather than what works for most people.
Despite its name, the Lovehoney Deluxe Magic Wand looks nothing like a wand. It’s a clunky piece of kit, measuring 13 inches in length with a vibrating plastic head that is 7.5 inches in circumference. It is also heavy so if you have a disability that makes it hard to hold heavy things, this wand is not a good option. The size and weight make it difficult to incorporate into sexual intercourse, but it can be used with a partner during the wider definition of sex. The 1.8 metre lead is long enough if you have a plug socket next to your bed but for more flexibility, I recommend using an extension lead.
Before using it for masturbation, I tried it out as a massager. Magic wands were originally designed as massagers and I can see why. The vibrations reverberated through my body, soothing tight muscles. The scroll wheel made it easy to control the vibrations and I liked how the flexible neck allowed me to easily focus on different parts of the body. If I had bought the Lovehoney Deluxe Magic Wand as a massager I would have been happy with my purchase, but as a vibrator it was overkill.
After testing it as a massager, I then decided to test its prowess as a vibrator. I lubed up and handed my partner control of the wand. He revved it right up to 11. My body jerked so violently that I looked like I’d had a Tarantallegra spell put on me. It wasn’t the convulsions of a really good orgasm though. It felt more like a crucio curse. Despite this, I didn’t write off the wand. I just put the experience down to an overzealous boyfriend.
Next I took control of the wand, believing that slow and steady was the way to achieve effects akin to a jelly-legs jinx. It wasn’t. The extended vibrations numbed my vulva so orgasm was impossible.
Cleaning the wand doesn’t require a scourgify charm but it does require a little bit of attention to get into the crevices of the head. As it is not waterproof, you’ll need to use toy cleaner and a damp cloth, possibly using a toothbrush to thoroughly clean the grooves. If the magic wand works well for you then this is a small price to pay but for me, it was just another thing that made me want to leave it in its box.
I tried the magic wand a few more times, but each time I was either met with an unpleasurable orgasm or numbness. The only use I can really see for a person who doesn’t need or like intense stimulation is as a method of torture in a BDSM scene. My partner actually wanted to keep it for that reason but I decided to use an obliteration charm instead (Lovehoney’s 365 day no quibbles returns policy).
I hate to be a Moaning Myrtle but the Lovehoney Deluxe Magic Wand left me feeling like I’d been sent a wand from Zonko’s Joke Shop. Despite my negative experience, I do not believe it is a bad product. I think it is an amazing product for some people and I was just not one of them.
Positives: One of the most reasonably priced wands, lots of power, scroll wheel, flexible neck, attachments available. Negatives: Too powerful for me at higher speeds, numbing with extended use. Who should buy this: People wanting a wand for massage, power queens and those looking for an instrument of torture! Who shouldn’t buy this: People who are easily numbed by vibrators and those who prefer more gentle vibrations. Price: £49.99