I have bipolar…so I’m crazy in bed. I’m also crazy on the sofa, crazy in the kitchen and crazy in the supermarket. My mental illness isn’t confined to the bedroom.
When people talk about crazy girls being good in bed, they rarely mean they can spend weeks under the duvet, but is there any truth in the statement? Can bipolar affective disorder ever make sex better?
Bipolar is a mood disorder characterised by episodes of extreme moods. During a depressive episode a person is likely to feel sad, lose interest in things they used to enjoy and may have symptoms such as guilt, lack of self-confidence, and even suicidal thoughts. It’s not exactly a recipe for hot sex.
On the other side of the mood spectrum is mania. Elevated, expansive or irritable mood is the hallmark sign. The bipolar high comes in two flavours, mania and hypomania. I like to think of them as sisters:
Hypomania is the confident and charismatic little sister. She’s the girl dancing on the bar and getting everyone else to join in. She’s flirty, dirty and ready for whatever the night brings. Sure, she’s a little loud and talks too much but everything she says is hilarious so you don’t mind. If you had to see her everyday you’d be tired of her antics pretty quickly but in small doses, she’s amazing!
Mania is the drunk older sister. She’s just as talkative as Hypomania but she isn’t making any sense. She’s already had a fight with someone because…well, who knows? and now she’s stripped off and is dancing in traffic. She’s not fun. She’s a liability.
How do mania and hypomania affect my sexual appetite and behaviour?
When I’m hypomanic my sexual appetite is ferocious. I’ll flirt with guys on tinder, OKCupid, Whiplr, happn, 3nder….not to mention the guy I’m actually on a date with. I’m quick-witted, filthy-minded, and I swear to God I go from averagely attractive to the hottest girl in the room. Men love “the wild glint in [my] eye”1 and I take full advantage of that. I’ll drag a willing guy into a club toilet and fuck like my life depends on it and, at the end of the night, he may or may not be the one I go home with.
If I’m seeing someone regularly when I’m hypomanic, the sex will be phenomenal. I’ll beg him to hit me harder, want to do whatever new things our minds can conjure and, when we are done, I’ll be ready for round two. Hypomanic sex is intoxicating, but it is also tiring for partners. Once is never enough. If it’s fun, I want to do it again! When my partner wants to pass out in post-orgasm bliss, I want to talk, and talk, and maybe make some brownies, and perhaps we should open a bakery together! Everyone likes cake!
When I’m manic I am still hypersexual but it takes a more frenzied form. My flirting technique is reduced to wearing very little and propositioning people. Thankfully my nonsensical ramblings tend to give most people a clue that I’m not of sound mind but I’ve still ended up in more than a couple of unusual situations that seemed completely normal at the time, like giving a guy I knew for less than five minutes a blow job in a park at 7am, as an elderly woman walked past with a dog, or being fingered by a stranger at a bus stop (both of these happened on the same day).
So is it true? Can bipolar ever make sex better?
I think that very much depends on the person with bipolar, their sexual partner and the way their bipolar manifests. For me, manic sex, feels like an unbearable itch that must be scratched, and it can also be dangerous as I don’t recognise risks. Hypomanic sex, however, can be some of the best sex imaginable. I’m confident, experimental and all my senses are heightened.
For my regular partners, I would imagine hypomanic sex is pretty great but, unfortunately, I’m still hypomanic when the sex ends. It’s like being with a child who has eaten too many blue smarties. After a while, you just want to scream “CALM THE FUCK DOWN!”