When Sex Wooden Toys approached me to ask if I wanted to review one of their toys, I had my reservations. I’ve been interested in trying wooden sex toys since I first saw some on etsy but I’ve held off buying any because of the horror stories I’ve heard. When you’re sticking things inside your orifices you want to be sure they are safe. When varnish is coming off in use, you’ve got a problem. Would their products look like chair legs (there are plenty on etsy that do)? Would the varnish be safe?
After looking at the Sex Wooden Toys website and being sent information about the varnish (a three-layer non-toxic and hypoallergenic water-based varnish), I felt satisfied that not only was the varnish safe and vegan, but that the company were responsive to customers’ queries and happy to be fully transparent about their manufacturing process.
Knowing precisely nothing about wood, I chose cherry wood because the name sounded nice. It’s probably not the best method to choose but I was happy with my choice when it arrived. It’s a lovely warm brown and the markings of the wood, combined with being handcrafted, mean every single one is unique. In a world of mass produced products, the human touch is a novelty.
Texture and shape
I’m always looking for variety in dildos so I went for Demetra. It’s a knobbly little number and I’d hoped the texture would make up for the lack of a slight curve I have come to realise works best for my body. Being straight, there are zones that won’t get the TLC they crave, but it also means I have to be that little bit more thoughtful, which is definitely a good thing if you are a lazy wanker like me.
The names of the toys
All of the sex toys are named after figures in Greek mythology. Mine is named after the goddess of the harvest, Demetra (Demeter in English). It’s a little pretentious and I think it would probably annoy me if they were made out of silicone but, being made out of wood, I can go with the reference to ancient times. Dildos have been around for as long as people have had holes to put them in. The Ancient Greeks are a great example of ancient sex positivity. They weren’t exactly sexually repressed and there are countless examples of dildos in ancient Greek art and literature.
My issue with naming of the sex toys after figures in Greek mythology really comes from the all male names in the range of butt plugs. I think that reinforces the idea butt plugs are only for men. I have less issue with naming dildos and vibrators after female figures because the dildos and vibrators don’t have flared bases so are only safe to be used by vagina owners.
The lack of a flared base is a downside of the dildo. I like the versatility of being able to use toys vaginally or anally, but it certainly isn’t a deal breaker. I can’t say I’m not disappointed though. I actually think the shape and texture would work better on me anally than vaginally. I found the three bumps were substantial enough to give the entrance to my vagina something to pay attention to but moving between the three bumps and the middle portion of the shaft was just a little too radical for me. My muscles contracted around the shaft and then had a bit of a shock when the next three bumps appeared. I have a picky vagina and just a millimetre or two makes the difference between yay! and ow! Unfortunately this fell into the latter category. This isn’t a criticism, just a personal preference. If you find you have similar experiences with deep ridges or moving between straight shaft and bumps then you might be better choosing a smooth dildo such as Rea or Era.
I went for the medium which, at 4.7 inches in circumference and 7.8 inches in length, is still pretty hefty. The firmness of the wood makes it feel girthier than toys made out of softer materials so take that into account when choosing which size you want and make sure to use lube liberally (Sex Wooden Toys suggest only using water-based lube). There is no way I could have handled the large; it’s a mighty 6.3 inches in circumference and 9 inches in length! Even the medium can prod my cervix so the large would definitely be a cervix jabber.
Having never tried wood, I had no idea what I’d think of it but it has won me over. It has the firmness of glass or metal without the weight and there is something timeless about wood. I do still have some reservations. I dislike not being able to submerse the dildo in water because it makes cleaning easier. Instead you need to clean it with a damp cloth and dry it after, rather than leaving it to air dry. I’m also nervous about the possibility wood could crack in future, which would compromise how body safe it is. If the dildo was faulty then the two year guarantee would kick in, so I think Sex Wooden Toys must be pretty confident in their workmanship.
What I think of Sex Wooden Toys
Their customer service is impeccable. They respond quickly to emails, were happy to track down information to answer my very specific questions and they are very friendly. They not only offer a range of well-made wooden sex toys, but also offer laser inscription for a minimal fee and even to allow you to design your own!
The website has some unusual descriptions which I assume result from translation into English from Italian, but I can forgive that when the quality of their products is high.
Positives: Excellent craftsmanship, unique and timeless material
Negatives: Not being able to submerge in water. Only compatible with water-based lubes.
Who should buy it: People who like deep bumps and ridges. People who want the firmness of glass and metal without the weight. People who like straight dildos.
Who shouldn’t buy it: People who require a curve. People who enjoy using their toys in the bath or shower.
Price: €87 (£74)
This post does not contain affiliate links. Sex Wooden Toys sent me the Demetra dildo free, in exchange for a review, but that has not influenced my opinion.
Value for money