Solo BDSM

Thank you so much to the reader who suggested I write a post about solo BDSM. It’s something I often neglect to consider when I am thinking about BDSM.

BDSM is often thought of as a couples or group activity but if you are kinky, you are kinky whether you are single or in a relationship. Even if you have a partner (or partners) to regularly indulge your kinks, you may still want to practice solo BDSM. Finding ways to incorporate kink into masturbation takes a little imagination but it is certainly possible, and it can be a fulfilling alternative or addition to partner play.

I have tried to include some suggestions for people with different kinks but my primary kink is masochism (with a focus on pain, degradation and humiliation) so the majority of my suggestions for solo BDSM will suit people with similar interests. If you have any suggestions, please add them in the comments and help other people improve their solo play.

Solo BDSM can be riskier than partnered BDSM but with forethought and a few safety mechanisms, it doesn’t have to be a high risk activity.

Fantasy

The main way I incorporate kink into masturbation is fantasy. Replaying particularly hot scenes and imagining new scenarios are sure fire ways to get my juices flowing. To increase the intensity of my fantasies, I focus on the sensations. If I’m on my knees outside, I imagine the gravel digging into my knees. If a man is pinning me against the wall by my neck, whispering abuse into my ear, I can feel the warmth of his breath and smell the nicotine. These details take fantasies out of my mind and into my body.

The most wonderful thing about fantasy is that there are no limits. It’s a realm of possibilities so make the most of it. Don’t limit yourself to what is possible in reality or only things you would actually want to do if you had the chance. The things I fantasise about are often far beyond anything I could safely do or would even want in reality.

I have no idea how common it is to call yourself names during masturbation but it is something which is a staple part of my routine. I often call myself a string of expletives, using either the first or second person. Sometimes these fit into a fantasy, for example my fantasy partner might say “You’re a worthless slut” but sometimes I just talk to myself and say things like, “What kind of a sick fuck gets off on this stuff?” (shame is a massive turn on for me).

Risks: When I play with partners, there is a period of aftercare when I can discuss anything that struck a nerve and get some emotional support. With solo play that isn’t always possible.
Ways to manage risks: If you are feeling emotionally vulnerable, stick to fantasies you know well and perhaps don’t venture into the darkest recesses of your mind. If a fantasy hits a nerve, speak to a friend for support, even if you don’t actually mention why you are feeling out of sorts.

Physical Sadomasochism

  • Clamps (nipple, clit and anywhere else you can think of)
  • Scratching and digging nails in
  • Pinching self (nipples, thighs etc)
  • Ice
  • Wasabi, chilli sauce (I’d only be putting these in my mouth but you might have other ideas)
  • Figging
  • Stretching vagina or anus with toys
  • Fucking self more roughly with toys
  • Holding breath (much safer than autoerotic asphyxiation!)
  • Wartenberg wheels
  • Violet wand/E-stim/TENS
  • Stress positions
  • CBT

Risks: Not knowing much about the method you are using is the main risk. The other is accidentally causing a more serious injury than you intended.
Ways to manage risks: Read up about what you are planning to do and try use reliable sources of information. Keep a first aid kit to hand for minor injuries and don’t be afraid to go to A&E if something goes wrong. They have seen it all before.

Emotional Sadomasochism

  • Butt plugs or remote control vibrators in public (this embarrasses me but it may have a different effect on you)
  • Chastity belt (keep the key somewhere safe)
  • Masturbate while watching or thinking about things you find disgusting or degrading

Risks: As with ‘Fantasy’
Ways to manage risks: As with ‘Fantasy’

Self-bondage

Self-bondage isn’t something I usually do, partially because of the risks but mainly because it doesn’t really do that much for me. Bondage is a huge kink for some people though, so I am going to offer some suggestions.

  • Solo BDSMGags
  • Blindfolds and blackout hoods (with ear plugs for extra sensory deprivation)
  • Wearing latex for constriction
  • Restraining legs with cuffs, a spreader bar or an under bed restraint system.
  • Restraining hands with restraints you can easily remove such as these velcro ones
  • If you really must use locks and more extreme self-bondage, consider an ice lock.

Risks: The more restrained you are, the more likely it is you won’t be able to get out. If you live alone, this is a serious risk.
Ways to manage risks: Keep at least one arm free and a charged phone within easy reach, just in case (you can text even if you can’t take the gag off). Use restraints you can easily remove yourself.

D/s-type play

  • Setting tasks you must complete before being allowed to masturbate (good for getting uni work done!)
  • Making yourself use your non-dominant hand/no hands and a suction cup dildo.
  • Taping a vibe in place for a certain length of time

Risks: Disappointment if you fail your tasks.
Ways to manage risks: Remind yourself it’s just play, speak to a friend, make yourself a cup of tea and have some chocolate.

If you have any suggestions for solo BDSM, please write them in the comments section below.

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